Mother of the Bride Attire Etiquette Q & A

While working in the bridal industry, I found that some Mothers of the Bride had difficulty in deciding what to wear for their daughter's wedding.  I found this article on The Knot, www.theknot.com, and thought it answers some really good questions concerning the Mother of the Bride's attire.  I hope this helps! - Nikki Melton


Q. What's the dress-buying protocol for moms?

A. It's customary for the mother of the bride to purchase her dress first. Her choice is meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom will wear. However, this approach can be a little old-fashioned, not to mention a little unrealistic. There's always some factor that make abiding by tradition a lost cause. Our advice: Just play it by ear, and try to be flexible. It's not a competition.

Q. When the mother of the bride buys her dress, is it her duty to then politely "inform" the groom's mother? What happens?

A. Old-school wedding etiquette says "yes." She is expected to notify the mother of the groom (presumably to prevent overdressing, clashing colors, and other fashion faux pas.) And while it's certainly good form, it's not a requirement, especially if you're worried about seeming pushy or bossy. That said, the mother of the groom might really appreciate -- and even expect -- a heads up. You can either have your daughter subtly pass the details along, or, better yet, give her a call youself. Try to sound as friendly and non-territorial as possible: "I finally found a dress that fits! Do you know what you're wearing yet?" Chances are the mother of the groom will want to know more. Of course, she might be totally disinterested, but if that happens, don't sweat it -- you've been heard.

Q. Does the mother of the bride need to touch base with the groom's stepmother about the dress, or should she contact only the mother of the groom?

A. Divorced family situations can get sticky. Don't worry about the groom's stepmother. He'll let her know what you (and his mom) are wearing. You risk offending the mother of the groom if you formally involve her ex-husband's wife in the game plan.

Q. What are the color restrictions surrounding the mother of the bride's dress?

A. Traditionally, avoiding dresses in the white, ivory, and champagne color family (that match the bride's wedding gown), black gowns (that can suggest mourning) and red gowns(or similarly "flashy" shades) is the standard. Though we've seen moms in white who look tailored and elegant. We think black is classic, chic, and formal, and know that even red can be done with gorgeous good taste. The bottom line? Before you start shopping, talk to the bride. She may be very sensitive to the color issue or completely indifferent. If she expresses reservation, think about subdued-but-stately colors in the lavender, silver, burgundy, and blue families.

Q. Does the mother of the bride's dress color have to match the bridesmaids?

A. Some will swear by the "rule" that all the dresses must coordinate. And some brides really love that matchy-matchy look. But there are countless alternatives. Maybe stay within one color spectrum -- if the bridesmaids dresses are baby blue, for instance, the mother of the bride can wear navy. But mixing and matching can be ultra-stylish, too. What's most important, however, is that everyone feels comfortable and beautiful.

Q. When it comes to choosing the Mother of the Bride's dress, how much say does the bride
have?

A. Definitely consult her on color -- she may have issues with certain shades (white, black, red) or want your dress to complement the bridesmaids' get-ups. She may also have ideas about style, length, and formality. Do try to respect her wishes -- her opinion should count for a lot, and if she wants long sleeves or if she likes you best in pistachio, what's the harm in obliging? Keep her guidelines in mind while shopping, but the dress you settle on should make you happy, too.

Q. How far in advance should the Mother of the Bride purchase her dress?

A. Start dress shopping as soon as possible. If you must put it off (maybe you're trying to firm up or just dread shopping in general), aim to have made a decision at least one month before the wedding. We know you're going to get around to it eventually -- just be sure to let the groom's mom know she can forge ahead without you and keep the bride informed of your progress.

Q. Does the Mother of the Bride have to get dressed up for the wedding, even if fancy isn't her style?

A. If it's an evening wedding, you're going to have to dress up more than usual. You don't want to stick out or appear disrespectful. But this doesn't mean you have to sport sequins and satin or velvet and rhinestones. There are many frill-free formal looks out there. Stick to your guns and you'll find an outfit (pants are okay!) that's unembellished, easy, and elegant -- perfect for your casual style.

Q. Can a young-looking MOB wear a strapless ball gown -- is there such a thing as looking too young or sexy?

A. On one level we think you deserve to wear a fabulously sexy dress, but on another, we're wondering how the bride will feel. If she's supportive, go for it -- you're both going to sizzle! But if your daughter seems concerned about "Mommy" turning heads, not acting her age, and otherwise upstaging her, let her be selfish. It's her day, not yours. Besides, you're not limited to "frumpy" or overly conservative attire at all. It's quite possible to be glamorous without ruffling any feathers.

-- Amy Elliott

Read more: wedding.theknot.com http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-bride-attire.aspx#ixzz1TFPEqYIG

Bridal Bouquet Bonanza

I found this great article on flowers for your wedding day and wanted to share it with you.  Your floral selections will help to set the style of your wedding and I hope this helps you to get started on some of the larger details to be taken into consideration as soon as possible.  - Nikki S. Melton

Bridal Bouquet Bonanza
Reprinted from www.weddingzone.net, <a href="http://www.weddingzone.net/">Wedding Planning Guide</a>
by Kathryn Lemmon, Wedding Zone Staff Writer

Chances are, you'll purchase more flowers for your wedding than for any other occasion in your life.

Among other factors, the choice of your wedding bouquet depends a great deal on the style of your gown. Season is another important consideration. Like many brides, you may decide to chose your bouquet based upon the time of year. Bouquets come in these principal types:

Cascade: The cascade is the most traditional and formal style of bridal bouquet. It's a waterfall-like "spill" of blooms and greenery which is anchored in a hand-held base. As the name implies, it resembles a cascade or waterfall with the flowers flowing downward. Traditional wedding flowers used in the cascade bouquet are white and include roses, stephanotis, white or calla lilies, and mingled with greenery. The bouquet has the appearance of being loose and free flowing.

Classic Hand-Tied Bouquet: This choice is a dense bunch of blooms either anchored in a bouquet holder, wired, or hand-tied. This option gives the illusion of a "just picked" bouquet of spring flowers.

Nosegay: This is actually a general term for any small, round cluster of flowers, all cut to a uniform length. They were all the rage in Victorian times and are popular once again. Usually made with one dominant flower or color, nosegays are wrapped tightly with ribbon or lace for a delicate effect. This type of bouquet usually contains very little greenery. Or, for an all-out Victorian look, insert the nosegay into a silver carrying cone (also known by the unusual name: tussy mussy).

Pomander: This style is a bloom-covered ball suspended from a ribbon, perfect for child attendants. (Flower girls may carry a basket of petals instead.)

Composite: Less well-known, this option is a handmade creation in which different petals or buds are wired together on a single stem, creating the illusion of one giant flower.

Beidermeier: This is a nosegay made up of concentric circles of different flowers for a somewhat striped effect.

Arm Bouquet: As the name implies, this is an elegant crescent shape, designed to be cradled in one arm.

Here's some additional bouquet suggestions and ideas.

Don't let your bouquet overwhelm you. A beautiful gown will be over-shadowed by a large, cascading bouquet. If you're petite, the weight of a large bouquet could become a problem during the ceremony. Consider your gown and your stature before making selections.

Local, in-season flowers will guarantee freshness and lower cost, so choose a couple of seasonal staples (orange blossoms, lavender, or tulips, for example) and use them as a base for bouquets, boutonnieres, and decorative arrangements. For continuity, incorporate them into huppahs, arches, or pew adornments, as well.

Select flowers which will hold up for the entire day. Particularly if you are taking pictures before the ceremony or outside, you want to make sure that you select flowers that will still look gorgeous when you walk down the aisle. Another option is to use a bouquet holder, which will keep your flowers hydrated with water for most of the day.

Flowers in matching shades or cool contrasts are stunning, but make sure they suit your wedding. Bring a bridesmaid dress fabric swatch when you meet with your floral designer (to show your wedding colors), and provide a wedding dress photo to give the designer a sense of your personal taste.

Florists who specialize in weddings may do more than just blossoms; they also conceive and execute the design for your reception, from flowers to linens, candles, decorative trees, lights and more. Whether you go with one of these full-service designers or a standard florist who'll provide bouquets, centerpieces and the like, you should start looking for a professional at least several months before the wedding, or earlier.

Consider silk flowers. Although not as traditional as real flowers, they are becoming more popular. Today, there are many realistic looking silks to be found. Craft stores sell a wide variety of silks, and you don't have to worry about whether or not your choice is in season. In general, silks are a less expensive alternative to real flowers. You also save money on preservation after the wedding.

Elaborate arrangements mean more of your budget is going for labor rather than for the flowers themselves. If you stick with simpler displays, your money will go further.

Hiring a Photographer

Are you taking on the tedious task of finding the photographer who will record your wonderful day in detail?  Here are a few things to keep in mind: You will only get to make this important decision once, when the wedding is over there are only a few things you will have left (the ring, the dress, the wife/husband and the photography).  The photography is there to remind you of all of your hard work, the intricate details you planned and the fond memories of the day.  Here are some things to consider when picking a photographer!

1.  Talk with them on the phone if you can and don’t just email them. With email it can be hard to understand tone and context.  Get to know them, ask questions that get you closer to who they are and what makes them tick.

2.  If you are in the same state make sure to meet with them.  Make sure this person is someone you would like at your wedding.  You may spend more time with them than family and friends on your wedding day.  You want to be on the same page and click with them!

3.  If you have a chance, look at a full wedding.  Don’t get fooled into looking just at one gallery of favorites.  Make sure they are capable of creating what you expect at your wedding.

4.  Make sure you like their style.  Some photographers shoot every wedding the same, hence a style emerges.  Others shoot freestyle and create different looks for each client.  Make sure you trust them enough to create something special for you.  Another thing to think about is to not only like their style, but it also needs to fit who you and your groom are.  In other words it may look great for the last bride but not you.

5.  Ask your photographer if they have a backup plan.  Digital photographers rely on hard drives to archive your images.  Anyone with a computer will know that computers frequently have problems.  If they give you a blank stare or can’t explain what they do then you know they are unprepared.  Your photographer should have your images backed up in multiple places and perhaps a copy off site.  These things cost money so be prepared that photographers with good back up plans will cost more.

6.  Does your wedding photographer have liability insurance?  This is important because many venues will require they have insurance before they are able to provide services.

7.  Ask about backup equipment.  Again if you get a blank stare you know they are not prepared to shoot your wedding.  They should have at least two bodies for each photographer and multiple lenses and flashes.  This sounds trivial but digital cameras do fail.  If the photographer is unprepared there would be no more professional photos to look back on.  There are many photographers who do not have enough gear to shoot at weddings, so make sure to ask.

8.  If they get sick what happens?  If they can’t talk about it then they haven’t thought about it.  The answer you want to hear is that they are in professional organizations such as Professional Photographers of America or Wedding Photojournalist Association.  It is also nice to know they have other photographer friends who they have made a deal with.  Make sure they will replace themselves with someone of a similar style and price point.

9.  Make sure you understand what you are getting up front and that their pricing practices are up front and understandable.  Many photographers have introductory pricing that is back end loaded.  In short, this means they know they can sell you more after the wedding.

10.  Do a search on the internet to find out all you can about your photographers.  Search items like their names, phone number, and business name.  You can find complaints they may not want you to know about or praises that help you to make your choice to hire them. Copy the following url to link to this post

Good luck!

Addressing Invitations

Here is a quick and easy guide for correct titles when addressing your envelopes.  Most will be familiar, but there are a few tricky ones!

• A married couple: Mr. and Mrs. Carl Fallow
• A married couple in which the woman has kept her name Ms. Janice Collins and Mr. Kevin Black
• A widow Mrs. Carl Fallow
• A divorced woman Ms. Sally Fallow (or her maiden name if she's reclaimed it).
• Married doctors The Doctors Stevenson, Dr. Carmen Stevenson and Dr. Andrew Stevenson, Drs. Carmen and Andrew Stevenson.
• The Doctors Stevenson, Dr. Carmen Stevenson and Dr. Andrew Stevenson, Drs. Carmen and Andrew Stevenson. A couple living together or a gay couple (written on two lines) Robin Gossett
  Matthew Doring
• Husband is a doctor Dr. and Mrs. Andrew Stevenson, Dr. Andrew Stevenson and Ms. Carmen Gomez.
• Wife is a doctor Dr. Carmen Stevenson and Mr. Andrew Stevenson
• Teenage girl Miss Gloria Johnson
• Teenage boy (under 18) Christopher Jones
• Judge, Governor, Mayor,
  United States Senator,
  Member of Congress,
  Cabinet Members,
  Ambassadors
  The Honorable
• Husband is a colonel Colonel and Mrs. Michael Jones
• Husband is a major Major and Mrs. Lawrence Tanaka
• Husband is a lieutenant Lieutenant and Mrs. John Warren
• Wife is a captain Captain Alicia Huang and Mr. Albert Huang
• A Catholic Bishop The Right Reverend Mark Wells Bishop of [insert city name]
• A Catholic Brother Brother Coleman Harris
• A Catholic Sister Sister Anita Canesto
• A Catholic Priest The Reverend Father James Keough
• Husband is a Rabbi Rabbi and Mrs. Adam Lohman
• Wife is a Rabbi Rabbi Ellen Freed and Mr. Robert Freed
• Husband is a Protestant Clergyman The Reverend and Mrs. John Smith
• Wife is a Protestant clergywoman The Reverend Susan Carlson and Mr. Thomas Carlson

- Information courtesy of The Knot

RSVP!

We have all had moments in our life that have not gone as planned.  The question is how do we handle these looming and sometimes complicated issues with grace?  One such problem that arises often is what to do when you have not received a reply from an invited guest.  Here is the answer according to Emily Post.

“The first important obligation a guest has upon receiving a wedding invitation is to respond immediately.  If your invited friends and family do not have the courtesy to complete this simple task, you’ll have no choice but to get on the telephone (or to solicit the help of your soon to be mother-in-law) and politely ask the slackers if they plan to attend your nuptials.”

 Harsh words from Ms. Post, but in reality it really is all you can do.  After all, while it may be more work than you should have to do, having invited guests arrive after not replying with a requested RSVP can lead to many disasters you just do not need the head ache of.

Attendants Duties

Here is an easy guide to help your attendants know their roles for your wedding day. Remember, not everything is necessary - this is just an idea of what your and your grooms attendants can help out with.

Maid/Matron of Honor

• Help to arrange bridal shower and act as host
• Keep a record of shower and wedding gifts for the bride
• Assist with decorating reception site if needed
• Attend the rehearsal
• Rearrange train before the processional, during the ceremony, and before the recessional
• Hold the brides bouquet during the ceremony
• Take care of the bride's things at the ceremony and reception
• Act as official witness
• Give a toast at the reception to the bride and groom
• Assist the bride when changing from her wedding gown to her going-away apparel (if needed)
• Attend as member of the receiving line and head table
• Assist bride with bustle of her dress after the ceremony

Bridesmaids

• Assist with bridal shower planning
• Help put together reception favors
• Assist with decorating reception site if needed
• Attend the rehearsal
• Attend as member of the receiving line and head table

Best Man

• Assist with decorating reception site if needed
• Attend the rehearsal
• Keep rings, license, and honeymoon tickets in a safe place
• Plan for reception exit transportation
• Pay the officiant and other vendors for their services
• Attend as member of the receiving line and head table
• Give a toast at the reception to the bride and groom

Groomsmen

• Assist with decorating reception site if needed
• Assist Best Man with any of his duties
• Attend the rehearsal
• Attend as member of the receiving line and head table

Ushers

• Attend the rehearsal
• Greet all guests at the ceremony, ask which family they represent and seat them accordingly. The Bride's family and friends are seated to the left of the aisle and the Grooms family and friends are seated to the right of the aisle
• Two of the Ushers will unroll the aisle runner after the Mother of the Bride is seated
• Ushers may be used to dismiss guests from the ceremony one row at a time

Flower Girl

• Usually a young girl under the age of seven
• Attend the rehearsal
• Proceeds the bride and sometimes walks with the Ring Bearer down the aisle while tossing flower petals from a basket if desired

Ring Bearer

• Usually a young boy under the age of seven
• Attend the rehearsal
• Walk down the aisle either before or with the Flower Girl while carrying a satin pillow with either the wedding rings or a substitute.

Stress Free!

As you are probably finding out, weddings can be a little on the stressful side.  Making your wedding day a reflection of you and your grooms tastes and personalities requires a lot of energy and time.  Brides generally make all the important decisions such as where to have the ceremony and reception, which catering service to use, who to hire to create the cake of your dreams and who will capture every special moment via photography.  What generally is not thought of is who will be there on your wedding day to make sure your gown, bridesmaids, flower girl and mothers’ dresses are perfectly pressed and steamed so everyone looks their best coming down the aisle.  Another important detail that is often overlooked is having a consultant to make sure the entry of your bridal party is well timed and your grand entrance is perfect.  The Finishing Touch not only specializes in pressing and steaming all types of fabric and dressing you and your bridal party to perfection, we also coordinate the wedding procession for you.